D3: Dam Dirty Ducks: Playoff Edition ~ by Justine Sliwka
As sure as springtime turns a young man's fancy to thoughts of the NHL playoff season, The Dam Dirty Ducks are going to give this Blogger and long time Red Wing fan fits.

And after last night's Western Conference match ups, boy am I getting a whole lotta bang for my, um, "duck".

In this last weekend of the regular season, with most playoff seats firmly settled and only one or two more games for the teams on the cusp, I have no choice but to mull over the 7th and 8th seeds in the West and obsess about the most important question of the season:

"Why did anyone ever let Sean Avery back into the league?"

Nooo- not that. The most important question of the Season for my buckshot is the following:

Is it possible to avoid a Wings-Ducks first round match up???

Homer Red Wing Fan Alert: Look, it's the Playoffs, the trash talk might get a little thick here, but we fans - whoever your favorite team may be- well, we have to get conditioned too- its Go time people. So if you're a Dirty Duck fan, you might not want to read this...Now where were we?

Springtime, Playoffs, fancy men- yes the Ducks in the playoffs. Ugh. And the mighty mighties as 7th seed? It just cannot happen people.

Oh don't kid yourself, I don't think the Ducks can beat the Wings in a playoff match up. In fact, I think such a match up will be over in 5 games with the reigning Stanley Cup Champions prevailing. The win is not what concerns me. It's the toll taken to get through Anaheim. It's the fact that the Ducks are dirty thugs who will play to injure, especially in the playoffs, which (as you know) "change everything".

I know its not PC to label a team as purposefully, strategically, injurious. But if the Duck shaped goalie mask shoe fits... you must NOT Acquit.

So I will, bearing full on, indignantly righteous Red Wing regalia, say that I think they are dirty enough to purposefully harm some of my precious Red Wings in the playoffs. And therefore a first round match up against the mighty mighties is to be avoided at all costs.

So much so, to my way of thinking, that if I were Wiley E. Ken-otye, Red Wing GM E. Pluribus Super Genius, I might think about throwing games to avoid such a first round match up- if I could.

Of course this is not how the Wings Organization does things, and well that is why I am not a GM. Furthermore, the Wings are too far ahead of Vancouver and too far behind the Sharks for the next two games and the 4 points to make any difference. Even the fact that our next two games are against Chicago won't do anything to move the Ducks up or down.

But don't panic, people, the Wild West has not yet been settled!

The 6, 7 and 8 Spots in the Westy

As of tonight, the 6th 7th and 8th spots in the Western Conference are still in high noon shootout mode. Oh to be sure, Nashville is out of the picture now and we know what teams will make the playoffs, but the "wheres", "whens" and in the case of Anaheim (for the love of gawd) "WHYS" have yet to be determined.

Columbus, St. Louis and Anaheim. Where these teams will land in the bottom of the playoff musical chairs - well nobody knows just yet.

Columbus has 92 points, with one more game. They can get a total of 94 points for the season.

Ducks and Blues tied with 90 points and one more game, means anything goes in the last two seats- or does it? What does this Red Wing fan need to happen to bump the Ducks out of the 7 spot?

Remaining Match ups:

CBJ v Minn, Today
Anaheim v Phoenix, Today
St. Louis v Colorado, Sunday

All three are playing teams out of playoff contention, but each keen to play the spoiler, so really anything goes here. Of all three games, Phoenix has the strongest potential for the "upset". GO COYOTES.

Hypothetical Scenario 1: Everyone wins their last game

CBJ wins over Minn, finishes with 94 points
Anaheim beats Phoenix, finishes with 92 points
St. Louis plays Colorado, Sunday, finishes with 92.

6th- Columbus
7th- Dirty Ducks
8th- St. Louis

Because St. Louis has less wins overall than the Ducks, a tie in points gives the Ducks the edge. This is a bad outcome for my Wings and head/lower body injuries.

Hypothetical Scenario 2: No One Wins Their Game

Sorry could not resist, just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Hypothetical Scenario 3: CBJ Loses, Others Win

Now it gets interesting. In this scenario, each team has 92 points, so we go to tiebreaker rules. Who has more regular season wins?

With CBJ having 41 wins, Ducks having 42 wins and the Blues having 41 wins:

Ducks in 6th, but what about CBJ and Blues? They are tied at points and games won.

Have to go to the next tiebreaker rule: Number of points earned (goals for) in the season.

7th - Blues with 232 Goals this season, to date.
8th- Columbus with 223 Goals this season, to date

This is my ideal match up right here for the Wings- almost. What I really want is St. Louis in 7th, Ducks in 8th. So that they bang up the Sharks a bit- How do I get there???

Hypothetical Scenario 4: CBJ Loses, Ducks lose, St. Louis Wins

6th- St. Louis with 92 points
7th - Columbus with 92 points
8th - Dirty Ducks with 90 points.

Ok, now we are getting somewhere. But can I get to Columbus in 6th, St. Louis in 7th Ducks in 8th?

Hypothetical Scenario 5: CBJ Wins, Ducks Lose, St. Louis Wins

CBJ- in 6th with 94 points
St Louis in 7th with 92 points
Ducks in 8th with 90 points.

Yep- this is exactly what my Red Wings need to happen this last weekend of the regular season. Go Coyotes! Go Blues. Go Jackets. Probably the last time you will hear me utter these phrases.

So. This weekend, this Red Wing fan will be rooting for St Louis, Minnesota and especially Phoenix- and if you are a good Red Wing fan you'll get out your No. 99 or Manny Legace Jerseys and cross your fingers along with me.

Unless of course there are overtime wins...then my whole analysis goes to hell in a hand basket and you just wasted a boatload of time. Unless you like pointless speculation like me...